Week 22A – – THE BATTLE OF SILENCE

 

I finished up at work and was headed home. My mind and Spirit filled with anticipation and plans of exactly what I’m going to do. Then MY Wonderful Raphaela sent me a text. “I can go” which meant she didn’t have to work on Saturday and wanted to go with me. My first reaction was Grrrrrrr. In my DMP I wrote “I choose how to react to any experience in Life. So in that momentary GAP I choose to Love my Wife First and respect her desire as well. My answer was “OK with me”

We arrived home and packed the things needed and headed down the road, about 90 miles. The director at the Retreat was not there to give us a Key and the room. We decided to go to a nearby Motel. We arrived at the room and I said “I have to go Pee” (drinking a lot of water for the Fast) Wonderful Raphaela asked if that was going to be my final words. Which I said no. What I did say was “I Love You Sweetheart”

Thus; began the silence. The Fasting had already started. The Noise is gone. I went to a comfortable chair and decided to start here with a Sit. I did not set the timer because I always do that. This time I’m doing everything without the limits. I was so relaxed and at peace and shut the noise off so perfectly that I feel asleep. I awoke when the director of the Retreat responded to a message we left. She took the call and I was able to begin again with the disturbance going on. I went to the Law of Relaxation and surrendered to an understanding that no place would ever be without disturbances because I would be there and I breath and eat, and move to do just that.

This was the most pleasant and Joy filled Sit & Meditation I’ve ever experienced to this point. I have no idea how long I sat there or if I was even awake all of the time. At some point I got up and joined my wife in bed and slept.

Saturday, we checked into the Retreat and this was where I had a vision of the

peacefulness here would Give me something special. I Sat for a while and became very restless and wrote a note to say “Let’s go for a walk” – She is talking and says “Yes”. The property is big and we walked around it. I thought of bringing home a rock that would remind me of this special weekend. My wonderful Raphaela in that moment bent over and picked up a broken, and squared looking rock and handed it to me. I said nothing. This completely blew my mind about the concept of being ONE and being connected. I told her Sunday night what transpired.

 

I took this the next day. in the same manner and place it happened.

I kept going to the place of “what should I be doing, what is the right thing to do”. Finally, Saturday evening I could no longer sit and began to write and correct the DMP. I just stopped with a quietness like no other. I realized I was looking for approval of others to ensure the things being done would look right. I could see how this is and has been a huge hindrance in my life.

I was here not to impress anyone but to learn something about myself. Well it’s time to go to the store and get some food for My Wonderful Raphaela. I went and since I’ve been practicing being present now-here, I thought Great. Normally I would be friendly and making comments and talking without end in sight. I felt awkward and she would be of help by explaining I made a Vow of silence. Now I felt handicapped, Appreciative of her help, but walking in a terrain totally foreign to me.

We got back and I picked up a Gideon bible left there by a Church. It had some Ideas and questions that I could look up and I did. I first last week had prayed for Wisdom and Truth and that my Gift be set out in clear terms. The first passage I was taken to and read was James 1:5-6 “If any of you lack wisdom, Let him ask………….. OMG there is the same thing as the ROCK given me.

I began to Sit with a whole different set of Ideals present. My emotions are so charged up at that point, if you would have poked me with a needle I would have blown up. The desires I have; begun to flow in groups of visions. I was thinking so quickly I thought my fasting was melting my brain. Then I see myself on a stage giving a talk to thousands and I could write down the words, well I’ve almost finished that. I could see the method of getting there. I can feel my gift in CLEAR terms and the tears messed that up, now everything was blurry for a while.

During a quiet moment, I could feel a level of Peace unmatched in my entire Life. I know that it is not the place we chose to come to. We created it before we arrived. I know there is UGLY out there but I choose to see the BEAUTY and the MIRACLES that surrounds in every moment. I’m so blessed that I was maintaining the vow of silence or I would have started yelling till I passed out. I have no need to look outside of myself to find peace. I hold that within me and take it wherever I go.

The experience of this weekend will fill stories the rest of my life. I gave it all here and planting that; was given more back in a level of abundance that my words or visions can’t express. Or I’d be here writing a novel not a blog. When I broke the silence after 48 hours, I leaned over to my Wonderful Raphaela and said “I Love You Sweetheart” ending the salience as I started it. The Joyful face she had is what I have always been searching for when I take pictures of her. At least I know how to do it again.

I pray the Truth you seek, finds you where you are. I found it to have  always been there.

Robert