Monthly Archives: October 2015

Week 5 Like Hell- – “EMBRACE IT”



I knew something had to be done with the emotions I’ve never been able to control completely. Listening to Mark J on the webbys. He plainly says several times to Embrace it. I have hated, ran away, prayed for the destruction of my over emotional state at times. After the webby Sunday, I broke down and could not stop the tears & crying in silence.


It took about an hour and a half to rewrite the DMP because I could not see the computer. A friend had just passed and the circumstances of his death were horrible. This is common place in my life of not being able to control my feelings.


I went with my wife before this class began,  to receive prayer with the elders of my church. I wanted this emotional being gone from me and I supposed that God would understand that by now and grant this thing.


I can feel more about you than what you say, I can see what you feel with a word not spoken. I’ve felt cursed my whole life. I’ve hidden it, lied about it, pasted cement on it like the Golden Buddha, and the words that I had to own was “how has that worked out for you. It’s been a total failure to run from it.


The Monday came and I went to work. Tears all day, Crap not this again, I’m thinking. Then I focused every ounce of energy to my thoughts and somewhere from within, my answer came out before I got home.


“EMBRACE IT” I could hear,  Mark J. Accept it, this is a Gift from God. Scared the heck out of me to feel that for once in my entire life, stop running and accept this. I will admit as I write I still don’t know what it means to embrace it. How to do this. With the tears falling, I was trying to read the little cards and couldn’t. So I did the “Do it Now” and “I can be what I will to be”-I’m still fighting this answer


I did not like it. But I did recognize the truth and Wisdom in what I was feeling. My advice be careful when praying for wisdom, you may not like the answer given.


I got home and started to write the Press Release. I was told no rules, no limit. Well I imagined a friend interviewing me because anybody else scared me too much to continue. I kept writing, as if in,  the future how I made it proudly past this bump in the road and was now living happily with my Gift.


What I wrote in the Press release though never able to fully tell the story and leave it complete. Has only been told to one person in my entire life. And Grandma is long since dead now.


So if we meet some day, I’ll not run and hide because, tears in my life are from pain, joy, peace, baby’s laughing and just about anything else, Because you will see the man God created in me. My Golden Buddha………………………..


Today I was searching for a poem I printed out years ago and couldn’t stop till I found it.


“Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson, one point which links me to the poem was when she said, “We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.”


Then I received a Gift of a poem titled “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. I was able to see the beauty in the words and come to a understanding that words transport us to so many  places and in so many ways.


The internal focus to find something grinding inside to remember stayed there till I found it. Both of which embodies my journey and my fears. Concentrating thought truly works wonders.


I am awaking inside and thoughts are moving at speeds that sadly show I’ve been asleep for many years. Feeling good, sad, Great, yet completely focused on the year ahead. I can see that I am who God created and using the power within me for the good of others.


The beauty of this world is but for receiving it. I can smell it, I can touch it, I can hear it, and see so much my emotions wrinkle my skin. Boundless Joy just receiving what’s already there. “WITH IN” But giving a gift has change the world before me. I observe this and just smile from deep within and when it bubbles up. Everyone around me is happy. WOW

I’m liking this journey and adventure.

Week 3 Feels MY BRAIN is still here I think!!!

Week 3 Feels Like a marble in a tin can, MY BRAIN.

I’m reading, rewriting the DMP. Every time I think I’m done I’m not. I want it to express my core needs in a way it take me and our family where we should be. I’ve never really taken this kind of time and thought about what I want for me. I’ve done a lot more for work and others. Today I was going to stop and do the DMP just on getting DMP done perfectly. Well I had to laugh – still laughing. I did focus on it and my brain feels tired. I always keep my promises. So I’ll get ER Done.

I’m having fun with the “do it now” by singing it in a different voice every time. Actually sounds good to me using the 99 bottles of bear melody. Sometimes I’m Yogi talking to BOO BOO the bear. Glad nobody is listening while I’m driving.

Now I absolutely understand what is going on in my life in just a few weeks. I have replaced meaningless desires and choices with Wisdom. I prayed for wisdom and have received it and not how I expected. In the first Scroll it mentions Wisdom 3 times and now I absolutely get the difference of reading and receiving the gift.

Goodness I’d be happy right now if I could just get straight what I want. I thought that would be the easiest and I’m resisting with the old blueprint. I am getting it but not putting it on paper. Then our precious Mark says that indecision is the trademark of a Control Freak. Yikes nailed it. OK I’m over it. I’ll clear my mind and take time to focus on exactly what I want, how to write that out. & “do it now”

I am changing nearly every aspect of my life. I’ve stopped watching TV & radio entirely before the class started. I have found it hard to believe how much time I have now to get things done. Then I realized by something Mark J. said about the media. The amount of negative bombardments I was suffering every day was no less than horrendous. I’m much more positive and focused. I thought I would be left out of so much. Really I have time to sit and spend time having dinner with my family. I was faking BUSY, now that I look back.

I am happy and completely enthusiastic about the changes being made in my life. Looking for what is within is so new to me that I draw a blank at time. When I take it out to the end of next year. Done with class, GS, and chance to work exclusively on my new business, spending time with my family like I should have been doing all along. And yes retiring soon. What I see is where I should have been many, many years ago.

Now I’ll correct all that and allow my Light to shine brightly like never before

Care and Blessing to all


Week 2 Super Collider of Emotions

I am a Service Technician. I was leaving a call and a lady who merely observed me while caring out my activities of work. She sked a question, I received it a compliment. She said, “How can I get ½ of your enthusiasm”. My response even surprised me. I said the world is full of evidence, good & bad. I choose now to focus on the good in people, I look for all the good in the world. As you add these choices over time you will have a Habit (I know where that came from). At some point even with negative things all around you; a smile will dress your face and choose the Good that is also all around you and even more abundant than bad. Thank You Have a Great Day. I left to put my tools away.

Well in my Van I had time to think about what just happened. I am no longer flooding my mind with negative things. I have time to clear my mind after difficult calls. Over all I’m more at peace than I’ve ever been. I gave up TV and Radio. With no understanding how much this would help me and those around me.

But today I was spending time driving & thinking of the wonderful classes I’ve taken on leadership, Family workshops with my Wife. Countless books and POSIVIVE statements. Something is different, with MKMMA. I would leave the Legendary Leadership class feeling like I was the new OWNER of the world. Over time that would diminish, because I was being told what to think, when to think and on and on. Here with less than 2 complete weeks I’m developing a habit that inspires others that don’t even know me. Well Life Changing, excited and a lot of the power words just don’t hit the mark. I need another explanation for what’s going on inside me. FIRE is more like it.

I have superb Gifts and talents and wasted them focusing on Feeling good and making choices for that moment. I KNOW that what I’m doing now and the habits based on principles will leave a LEGACY for all who know me. This touches me to the extreme and tears fall of pure joy. I feel sad that I’ve wasted so much time, yet so happy I can’t sleep well yet. I can see my path and improving and leaving no song unsung in my life.

I was working on my DMP and the words keep flying in and out of my mind and by the time it’s on paper, I want to change something. I desire with my whole being to always attempt to be a Light where ever I go and leave everyone better off and the words elude me. Sometime the words just don’t do justice to the emotions.

This is starting to look like a WILDFIRE and SOUND like a tin can with a marble in it.

Thank You for spending the time to read this.