Week 8 Lost: My comfort Zone
I am becoming more aware of the words I choose and choose not to use and what exactly comes out of my mouth. I write what I mean and what I use to take what seemed like an eternity to write a page of thoughts is now effortless. I can understand the heart of the message of a lady Mark J. shared of her decision making and the gap that was gone now.
Today I read the Press Release and tears started to fall. I have wanted so much to be rid of the emotions and now that I’m learning to embrace them. I soar with imagination and energy. Who would ever think I could bring this biggest fear into my life and accept it as a Gift from God
Reading the blogs of others gave me a joy this week that I’ve searched in my memories and did not find. We are all connected by this event. We see ourselves so different and miles from each other. Yet when I feel the words spoken in the words written, and try not to give meaning to them, something happens inside me. I see and feel how we are connected and the Power that it gives us.
Now what. I read the Poem by Marianne Williamson “Our Greatest Fear” about a week and half ago. I decided I wanted the most powerful piece of music that would move my spirit. I knew what I wanted and focused till I found it. I wanted a powerful beyond measure DMP recording. I read the “how to” on the DC tab and oooooppppppsssss. Wasn’t expecting to receive more than I focused on. Every cell in my body felt the song and the tears just started again. I want to embrace the tears and can say the words, but sometimes it’s not working the way I want. This week especially. I’m reaching for the stars and hitting them.
I finished the recording and copied it to my phone and listened. Knowing full well I’ll take this to work – on the road and the Tears just rocked my whole being. I wanted powerful, I got it. My thoughts are more of how do I deal with MORE than I want. Well now I’m not sure if I go for the POA cards now or not. I have a equally powerful song in the same folder. I went to a Promise Keepers Event in Oakland at the Raiders Stadium with about 60,000 men and in another stadium were about 40,000 more men. My song is one we all sang together. That was about 100,000 Christian men worshiping God. Only one word describes this for me, “POWER” Then the enormous blessing from heaven served us lunch. About 25,000 women/wife’s/daughters, grandmothers. I don’t have a problem wrapping my heart around the “Great this day with Love in my heart” after that.
This event was more than 20 years ago, and still moves me to my core, I don’t even understand it all to this day. It just does. I have been afraid to speak of it because of how it makes me feel and the emotions it stirs up.
This week I’m still working for 7 consecutive days without staying on a negative thought. I’m in a place that I’ve never been. I can see the reactions and the stimulus happening now and have slowed that down to. I wanted change and had an idea of what that would look like based on past successes and failures. This place I’m in is way beyond all that. I’m touching and walking with the real me and it scares me and brings tears, The fear that use to grip me with things is not even a full memory any more. And I read again the poem and the part “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Is starting to look possible and if that is where I’m at. How would I know. I’ve never walked in this field. I can’t find or need the Comfort Zone anymore.
This journey pleases me, scares me, is moving at the speed of light, impacts others in ways I fail to understand yet. Children like my grandkids respond differently, only one is old enough to talk. I need a new definition of success. Even my DMP seems weak now.