I knew something had to be done with the emotions I’ve never been able to control completely. Listening to Mark J on the webbys. He plainly says several times to Embrace it. I have hated, ran away, prayed for the destruction of my over emotional state at times. After the webby Sunday, I broke down and could not stop the tears & crying in silence.
It took about an hour and a half to rewrite the DMP because I could not see the computer. A friend had just passed and the circumstances of his death were horrible. This is common place in my life of not being able to control my feelings.
I went with my wife before this class began, to receive prayer with the elders of my church. I wanted this emotional being gone from me and I supposed that God would understand that by now and grant this thing.
I can feel more about you than what you say, I can see what you feel with a word not spoken. I’ve felt cursed my whole life. I’ve hidden it, lied about it, pasted cement on it like the Golden Buddha, and the words that I had to own was “how has that worked out for you. It’s been a total failure to run from it.
The Monday came and I went to work. Tears all day, Crap not this again, I’m thinking. Then I focused every ounce of energy to my thoughts and somewhere from within, my answer came out before I got home.
“EMBRACE IT” I could hear, Mark J. Accept it, this is a Gift from God. Scared the heck out of me to feel that for once in my entire life, stop running and accept this. I will admit as I write I still don’t know what it means to embrace it. How to do this. With the tears falling, I was trying to read the little cards and couldn’t. So I did the “Do it Now” and “I can be what I will to be”-I’m still fighting this answer
I did not like it. But I did recognize the truth and Wisdom in what I was feeling. My advice be careful when praying for wisdom, you may not like the answer given.
I got home and started to write the Press Release. I was told no rules, no limit. Well I imagined a friend interviewing me because anybody else scared me too much to continue. I kept writing, as if in, the future how I made it proudly past this bump in the road and was now living happily with my Gift.
What I wrote in the Press release though never able to fully tell the story and leave it complete. Has only been told to one person in my entire life. And Grandma is long since dead now.
So if we meet some day, I’ll not run and hide because, tears in my life are from pain, joy, peace, baby’s laughing and just about anything else, Because you will see the man God created in me. My Golden Buddha………………………..